


Bathroom Etiquette

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment, Humor, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 22:57:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19914097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Apparently, the Doctor's need to pee is fairly obvious to the Queen.





	Bathroom Etiquette

If the Doctor had a bigger head, his eyes would roll into it, every time Rose attempted to win her bet. Luckily for his eye muscles, the Doctor chose to rub his eye instead as a distraction from his bladder. Not only was he in a strange house, with royal guards, but also the Monarch herself. 

“Perhaps you should retire to your rooms, it’s getting dark,” sir Robert suggested. 

“Absolutely. Splendid idea!” the Doctor blurted out in relief. Rose looked at him strangely. “I mean, if you think that would be best,” he corrected himself, looking at father Angelo, who nodded approvingly.

The Doctor walked into his room, and closed the door. As soon as he was certain no one was too close by, he scoured the room for an en-suite toilet. Unfortunately, all he saw was a mirror with a washbowl. He settled on straightening(or waving) his hair a bit, while humming Beatles songs, and let it be. He then simply leaned on the bedpost with his legs crossed until one of the guards summoned him. 

*****************

For the sake of his pride, the Doctor was pleased to see Rose had been delayed, as it would mean fewer people he knew, surrounding him in his discomfort.

“That’s alright, save her a wee bit o’ ham,” he remarked, shifting in his seat at the word “wee”. Luckily he didn’t spot the extremely subtle questioning eyebrow on her Majesty. 

While sir Robert retold the fable of the Wolf, the Doctor quietly moved his chair closer to the table and crossed his legs, leaning forward, pretending it was simply out of immense interest.

“Something the matter, Doctor?” Victoria asked, noticing his wiggling despite how close most of his body was to the table.

“Wha’? No, all good your Majesty,” he lied, sitting back with his hands clasped in his lap.

“Quite certain of that are you? I don’t think even my husband ever sat in such a posture in my presence,” the Queen remarked sceptically, pointing at him. Captain Reynolds shot him a quick look, making him sit with his legs uncrossed, with his hands folded together neatly on the table. The discomfort of this made the Doctor tap his feet, which wasn’t hard to hear, with the lack of other noise. 

“Somewhere you need to be?” Queen Victoria questioned his presumed impatience. 

The Doctor evaded the answer as he heard Rose scream.

* * *

The Doctor realised he’d forgotten himself when Vicky reminded him what accent he was currently using. 

“And that’s not the only thing you’re hiding is it?” she hinted, with a smug expression.

“Your strange table manner during supper,” the Queen mentioned.

“What is she talking about?” Rose asked. the Doctor simply scratched his ear and shook his head to convince her that it was nothing.

“I realised that I was wrong. Prince Albert _has_ assumed a similar posture before, though just not during meals.” Victoria stated. 

The Doctor’s mouth opened slightly with unease, and his eyes flickered back and forth in expectation of what he may have revealed to her.

“I would often find him hunched over his telescope, late at night, _most peculiarly_ , not looking through it, just leaning an elbow on it, thinking. I would often have to guide him back to our chambers, and get him sorted,” the Queen explained. She looked at the Doctor with kind understanding for his lies.

the Doctor’s eyes widened at the realisation of having been caught out( by _the Queen_ ), followed by a slight blush, and him looking down, smiling sheepishly. 

  
“Of course you, presently, have a better excuse,” Queen Vicky noted.

“What does she mean, sorted?” Rose asked, still confused, and now less convinced that it really was “nothing”.

The Doctor gritted his teeth as he found that he needed to tell her. 

“What would you find in a bedchamber besides the bed?” the Doctor challenged her. 

“Nothing. A lamp, maybe some books..” as far as Rose knew, a cupboard with dresses would be outside the room. The Doctor waved a hand in a “below it?”-gesture. 

“The chamber pot,” Rose commented. “Oh.” It dawned on her.

His face flushed in embarrassment.

“Alright, so clearly not a Doctor of Urology,” she muttered in amused sympathy, stroking his shoulder. The Doctor then immediately changed the topic. 

* * *

Once free from the Wolf, the Queen pointed out the location of the closest bathroom, much to his relief. And then unceremoniously banished him.


End file.
